Sunday 31 December 2006
To motor or not to motor?
The freedom of having the motor and a set of wings is awful tempting I must say...
Wednesday 27 December 2006
Ladies and Gentlemen....
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. But please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message, "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. On a Southwest Airlines flight just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. On an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing, "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said, that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!?
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. But please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message, "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. On a Southwest Airlines flight just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. On an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing, "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said, that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!?
Saturday 23 December 2006
Get back in the air come what may!
Right - I gotta get some air time somehow somewhere. A brief browse of youtube has provided inspiration...
Two thoughts spring to mind though:
Two thoughts spring to mind though:
- Why don't Google provide youtube seach results as well as images and pages?
- Why is the quality of youtube source so shit? Take a look - awful!
Thursday 21 December 2006
The O-God of hangovers
Yup - well and truly in the post Christmas party hangover club but I'm still in work before my colleagues. I guess that makes me the dumb one!
There'll be no pictures of me in my new skins that I was sporting around the office before departing last night. I was hoping to try them out on a run into the office tomorrow morning but logistics just won't work out for me it seems...
I've added a current PB section on the left for my chosen distances. I'm not going to be troubling Paula any time soon but it not about records - more of a personal battle. As a type II diabetic battering down barriers like running and flying is high on my personal list of 'Things to do before the operations start'.
Come to think of it, diabetic or not I'd be bashing down these barriers anyway. When ambition runs out - its time to serisously rethink ones life strategy.
There'll be no pictures of me in my new skins that I was sporting around the office before departing last night. I was hoping to try them out on a run into the office tomorrow morning but logistics just won't work out for me it seems...
I've added a current PB section on the left for my chosen distances. I'm not going to be troubling Paula any time soon but it not about records - more of a personal battle. As a type II diabetic battering down barriers like running and flying is high on my personal list of 'Things to do before the operations start'.
Come to think of it, diabetic or not I'd be bashing down these barriers anyway. When ambition runs out - its time to serisously rethink ones life strategy.
Wednesday 20 December 2006
Grammar
The tube driver on the train this morning kept saying 'Please stand clear from the doors'. I felt like strangling him.
Where has the English language gone wrong? Why is it so many of my non-UK peers are able to demonstrate a better command of our language than we are (on the whole)?
Laziness is my bet.
Where has the English language gone wrong? Why is it so many of my non-UK peers are able to demonstrate a better command of our language than we are (on the whole)?
Laziness is my bet.
Tuesday 19 December 2006
Miscarriage of justice!
This motorcycle is a work of genius.
Featured in a recent StreetFighters issue it got the billing it truly deserved.
'The Brothers' at the 2006 Bulldog bash decided to award best in show to a crate of junk.
Tossers.
Featured in a recent StreetFighters issue it got the billing it truly deserved.
'The Brothers' at the 2006 Bulldog bash decided to award best in show to a crate of junk.
Tossers.
Brrr
I love this weather! Cold, clear, zero wind - I could handle winter if this was it....apart from the 'getting dark at 4PM' syndrome. Still, whilst the sun shines it's great for flying. Engines and wings work well in thick, gloopy, cold air.
To be frank - I'd rather be down south right now despite the Ashes nightmare. Sharing the office with a couple of Aussie blokes has its down sides. One of them doesn't give a hoot about cricket but the other chaps is gonna get fired...again. I seem to fire Pete once a day for good measure as a normal rule. He may not have done anything bad at that point but I'll issue a P45 as he probably will during the day at some point.
Give them jam today and they will love you for it today.
Promise them jam tomorrow and they will always love you.
To be frank - I'd rather be down south right now despite the Ashes nightmare. Sharing the office with a couple of Aussie blokes has its down sides. One of them doesn't give a hoot about cricket but the other chaps is gonna get fired...again. I seem to fire Pete once a day for good measure as a normal rule. He may not have done anything bad at that point but I'll issue a P45 as he probably will during the day at some point.
Give them jam today and they will love you for it today.
Promise them jam tomorrow and they will always love you.
Monday 18 December 2006
Nice 'Raq'
Today I got back into Unix after a 6 month layoff. Boy am I rusty!
The Cobalt Raq4 is a fine bit of kit for what we want it for - quick 'n' dirty testing - but its turning out to be a pig to configure...at least for my weak unix brain.
Darn thing doesn't log php errors and doesn't 'show' them by default. I will overcome though!
Watch this space for progress!
The Cobalt Raq4 is a fine bit of kit for what we want it for - quick 'n' dirty testing - but its turning out to be a pig to configure...at least for my weak unix brain.
Darn thing doesn't log php errors and doesn't 'show' them by default. I will overcome though!
Watch this space for progress!
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